2.2/18 Myra

From:    My71125267@aol.com
Date:    Tue, Feb 19, 2002, 1:06am (PST+3)
Subject:    Re: ABC Part
To:    normtaka@webtv.net

Dear Norm,

First of all, hello.  It's been quite awhile since I've talked or written to you.  Hope that you are fine and doing well.  I see Rich and he says your fine.  

Just wanted to thank you for sending us the information on the ABC acting part.  Unfortunately, we were a bid not prepared.  At that moment we had our downs that day and things got out of control.  

All is well at times here and at other times it's bad due to Lisa's depression and of course mines.  She has made great improvements.  For one, she is no longer on prozac or any medication of which probably did worse then good.  She returned back to gymnastics and less than four months competed and won 4 medals.  Pretty good for some who hasn't been in gymnastics in over 15 years.  And, yes she would like to get back into acting.  You see, anything that keeps her focus helps her a long way.  So, if you should hear of anymore parts please continue to let us know.  She does want to get back into acting.  

As for me, just when I think things are getting better, I take a fall.  I am working at Costco, it has helped me get back into the main stream of working after 20 years.  I now work in Membership and that has been extremely stressful especially when they don't really train you and you are expected to know everything.  The mistakes I make I get it from customers, sales, front end supervisors, etc.  Sometimes I just want to give up and end up in tears.  It's pretty hard to get back after 20 years especially when you hit your 50's.  Got so bad that I had no choice but to end up part time...due to stress and Lisa's problems.  I wasn't planning to stay at Costco but I knew I just needed to get back and used to using my mind.  Boy, I never realized how much I lost not working after 20 years.  I'm still trying to heal from this separation but that is almost impossible since we haven't divorce or even talked about it.  He continues! to give me most of the money so that I'm able to pay rent and the bills here.  I know I can't depend someday that's why I have to get back to supporting myself.  In other words, I'm still stuck in this situation with him and it's real hard to heal.  He spends a lot of time with Lisa of which he doesn't have to but I would assume it's out of quilt.  Possibly quilt on me as well.  Do you realize what it's like that time goes on and nothing is done or happening.  I get so confused and all the changes and moods I go through is just horrible.  Everyone says move on, pretty hard to do that when I'm still binded with him and of course, I get the bad end of it all.  Lisa and her problems and her focusing her anger on me then it's a lot of fights, sometimes physical.  I realize she can't help it due to being personality disorder.  I still get the bunt end of it all and it's so difficult for me to even begin to heal.  Besides loss ! of hair and broken out, I don't look to bad.....luckily, people still can't believe I'm in my 50's.  I don't mean to lay things on you but sometimes it helps just to tell someone else.  My family really don't understand this situation.  God Norman it's not easy getting over a marriage.  I have no interest in dating although their have been opportunities.  I just recently lost a couple of friends, one by accident and the other my very good friend of whom I grew up with an aneurysm.  It's been over a year and half, actually almost two years since my life changed.  I'm not saying it's been all bad.  Their have been good days as well and good things that happen but I'm just finding that it's hard to face life again.  Taking care of the grandma's and a family was pretty safe and secure to me and now I have to face this world alone on my own.  Hopefully, I'll make it I hope anyway.  

I guess I will quit Costco soon for I need to really work in an office of which I used to for 14 years.  It would be a lot easier on my feet (Costco is a sin to sit).  I probably need to work more on the computer for that's what is out there.  Lisa gets her fee waived at the gymnastic and they also pay for a little to couch little kids.  She was working in the malls and that was really bad, starting charging up a storm and our accounts and put Ralph way behind.  So, I'm glad she no longer works in a mall or retail for that.  I never like retail and here I am at Costco.  Just had inventory the other night there and that was painful and had to stay late.  Well, other then that I'm still here in San Jose, I still don't feel at home here.  Although when I visit back at SF, I feel as if their is nothing there for me anymore.  Feels as If I don't' belong anywhere.  Life is so dam strange Norman.  Been reading a lot of E! dgar Cayce.....it has helped me a lot, trying to understand what happen to my life.  I have to call you sometimes, tell me a story.  

It's great to see Richard having fun and learning about e-mails and computer.  Pretty soon he'll be a pro.  You must know alot about the computer.  Well, Norman you  take care and I hope all is well with you.....look forward to seeing you again.